Here it is

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Every day, life gives us a little nudge, a peek, a whisper in the ear, "Here it is." And if you aren't paying attention, you'll miss it.

I watch for them now, those brief seconds when an infinite variety of things suddenly align and you find yourself immersed in the sublime. If you are lucky, you will enjoy a moment of wonder, or awe, or epiphany before the sunlight changes or the cloud disappears.

Personally, I don't believe in fate, or the idea that your life is set or predestined in any way. In 60-plus years, my experience of the world (external to me) is that it consists of seemingly random events that aren't random at all, but rather unpredictable. Their unpredictability lies in the fact that there is not a single bright line between cause and effect. Between cause (A) and effect (Z) lies an alphabet of mitigating factors, often unseen and unknown inputs that can dramatically change the outcome of events.

In looking back at events in my life, I can safely say that I really tried to make the best decisions I could make at the time, based on what I knew at the time. I can also say that, based on what I know now, there are some things I would have done differently. I have no doubt that my life would have turned out differently - perhaps very differently - if I had made different decisions. This is as it should be; I should recognize that I made mistakes, or missed seeing something I should have seen. At the same time it should not be cause for regret or self-recrimination. If I did the best job I could with the knowledge and abilities I had, what would I have done differently? As I have gotten older, I have more information, and more tools to use that information. My perspective has widened, and grown.

I have a few friends from my younger days that I am still in touch with, or that I have renewed acquaintance with. It has been somewhat disappointing to me to find that many of them are still holding on to trials and disappointments from decades ago. Conversations inevitably turn to past injuries and slights, as if those events are given more weight than what they are doing now.

Some of that is just human nature. Hindsight is 20-20; it's easy to see your mistakes after you have made them and seen the consequences. But you can't go back and fix it. Life moves forward, whether you do or not, and the best way to deal with the past is to own it, acknowledge it, and make peace with it. When life (or God, or the universe, as your philosophy deems) whispers in your ear, the message is that life is happening right now, here, around you. And if you aren't paying attention, you'll miss it.

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